First of all, my husband and I had been having some difficulties for some time. We had recently suffered through some pretty traumatic things in our life. We were both severely depressed and we were still dealing with some really hard life stuff. We were both at the lowest points in our lives that we had ever been. We both still loved each other very much but we lost our ability to communicate. We both handle stress very differently. He handled his stress by throwing himself into his work more, working in the yard, staying busy all the time. He shut me out emotionally, he believed that talking about problems was like dwelling on them and that if we ignore them they’ll go away.
I’m the kind of person who needs to talk about stuff. I kept trying desperately to communicate with him but he would not talk to me. I tried to get him to go to counseling with me, I begged him to talk to me. He would just say everything will be fine we don’t need anything. Part of this is his personality, he is prideful, hardworking, never has been much of a talker and is not a touchy feely kind of person. He does show his love in many other ways and I knew this about him, we had been together for 13 years by this time. After trying every way to reach him, I finally shut down and pulled away from him physically. I, because of traumas from my past, can not be my normal sexual self if I don’t feel loved and secure. I was feeling completely unloved. When I pulled away from him sexually he began to feel unloved and the more unloved he felt the less he would communicate and this got worse and worse between us untill there was a huge wall that neither of us knew how to break through. We were both so lonely and lost by then. We needed each other so desperately but didn’t know how to reach the other. He and I both made mistakes in our marriage that left it vulnerable to what happened. I take my share of the blame too…
Angela “Ang” started facebook stalking and trying to flirt with my husband a few years ago. I questioned him about it back then and he told me that their families had been friends for along time and they knew each other when they were kids. He said he hadn’t seen her in years and that I had nothing to be worried about because he doesn’t even really talk to her and she’s REALLY unattractive anyway. Well she had been watching his facebook posts closely and when she sensed there was tension between him and I, she upped her game. She really started flirting, my husband continued to blow her off. Then one night, in the spring of 2013, he and I got into a huge argument, he was feeling very low and I was feeling very low, he tried to kiss me and I turned my head. It was like the last straw. He became so distraught, feeling rejected and lonely he went into another room on the computer and decided to respond to her flirtations to make himself feel better and to get back at me I guess. He told her all the problems with our marriage and how lonely he was. They talked about sex and god knows what all was said. That was the start of their emotional affair. Funny thing is, he’d only really talk to her when he was totally drunk. He doesn’t even remember half of what he actually said to her when he was like that, which I find even more disturbing, and he is horrified by it himself. The rest of the times it was general small talk he says. He was supposed to be talking to ME, his wife! He told me he felt like everybody hated him and at least here was someone who didn’t hate him. It didn’t matter who she was, he said she could have been anyone at that time, he just needed someone to not hate him. He needed someone to talk to. He said he knew right away he’d made a HUGE mistake. He felt sick, he felt like he really blew it with me and betrayed me. He also felt like he lead her on. He felt like it was all his fault and he didn’t want to hurt her but he didn’t want to talk to her and betray me anymore either. She told him all her problems and made him feel sorry for her. At first he tried to just talk to her and shift it to friends and then make himself less and less available till she got bored of him and she moved on. Little did he realize at the time but Angela is a master at emotional manipulation! 1st of all, she told my husband that her longterm “boyfriend” whom she had children with, would not marry her because he didn’t trust her, she apparently liked to use sex to get attention. At a party she gave someone a blowjob in front of everyone on a dare. Well turns out that she had just gotten married right around the same time she was chasing my husband! She eventually told my husband that her boyfriend had finally agreed to marry her. Turns out that she was married all along, either that or she got married to him while she was chasing my husband! She whined about how her husband was abusive to her and ignored her after her last child was born. She said he had lots of guns in the house and a CCW. She said that he had caught her cheating in the past and had put a gun to her head and threatened to shoot her. She had my husband convinced that her husband was going to come over and shoot us all if he found out. At the same time she was telling my husband that she had had a crush on him when they were kids, (he’s 7 years older than her). She said she thought my husband was her soulmate, my husband almost laughed when he told me that. She played the damsel in distress. She started begging him to meet her for sex, which he did NOT do! She was sending him x rated pictures of herself, lots of them. He made it perfectly clear he did not want her pictures, she said she knew he didn’t want them, but then she would still send some more! She even sent a video of her and her husband having sex to try and seduce my husband! What kind of depraved person does that! That is the worst kind of betrayal, her poor husband! By now my husband had realized that she wasn’t right in the head and that she was starved for attention! He realized that she was willing to do anything or hurt anyone to fill her need for attention. He had sank into a worse depression he didn’t know how to get rid of her. I think a part of him was afraid shed get mad if he abruptly stopped talking to her and she’d let her so called crazy husband find out, (you know, for more attention and drama). Ang convinced my husband that her husband was completely psychotic and had a house full of guns. I think she told him all that as part of a tactic to make him feel afraid to cut off communication with her and afraid to tell anyone. My husband said he would cringe every time there was a message from her. He said he found her extremely annoying. He would go days without even responding to her and then he would lie and say he was just really really busy. He thought she would just get tired of him and go away. When he explains it, it’s like he’s describing the feeling of being sexually harassed! I know, I know, he shouldn’t have talked to her, he should have just told her to go away! He shouldn’t have looked at the pictures or the video! He said the pictures and the video made him SICK, he said she’s absolutely disgusting to look at! Of course he didn’t say that to her because he’s too kind and didn’t want to hurt the poor little baby’s feelings because again, he felt sorry for her. He also still felt like everything she was doing was somehow his fault for leading her on in the beginning. At the same time he could barely look me in the eye, he was filled with guilt and self loathing. He never hooked up with her like she kept begging him to do. He said he could NEVER physically cheat on me with anyone, even someone who was attractive, which Angela isn’t. He said what he had done was bad enough already. He said she is physically repulsive! He ran into her once in town and saw her at a gas station another time, he said she was GROSS and he felt sick and embarrassed! He said she was sooo not his type, at all! Even people we know, who know her, said “Wow, he must have been really desperate to look at pictures of HER!” He says he never asked for any of them and made it clear he did not want the pictures. This whole time she was going to the gym in town, working out, losing weight in a weight loss competition similar to the biggest loser. Her weight loss was spurred on by her deluded fantasies of hooking up with my husband and thinking she was going to look good for him. She has since gained a lot back and she never did get thin.
Finally, he said he “manned up” and told her he could not talk to her anymore because he wanted to work on his marriage and it wasn’t fair to his family and wife that he keep talking to her when all he wanted was to fix his marriage. Then he deleted all her contact info and never spoke to her again. That was in the fall of 2013.
He came clean on his own and confessed this all to me hoping to start over and show me that he could communicate and to gain my trust. He told me he loved me and would do anything to fix our marriage. He said he never wanted to live without me. He said he never realized what he had been doing to me, he really thought that I knew he loved me all along. Well I fell completely apart! I was hurt and consumed with rage! I still can not get over it!
We live in a very small town, I am constantly looking around afraid I’ll see her, everywhere I go. I can never relax. She works at a very popular chain ice cream shop in town. I have to drive by that stupid ice cream shop almost every day on my way home from work! My kids always begging me to take them there as we drive by it. I lie and make up reasons that we can’t go there. “Yes I know all your friends go there but we don’t like the ice cream there and its over priced, I tell them”.
One day I was on my child’s field trip which ended with getting all of the kids ice cream. I was standing behind the ice cream shop where people sit to eat, obviously I didn’t want to go around the front and have to see her face. While I was standing there I heard two guys talking about how “fugly” she was. I knew they were talking about her because she was the only one working that day. There was a bunch of kids on field trips that were going through the line for ice cream and someone had called in sick so she was working by herself. I almost felt sorry for her for one single second. I’m normally a kind person who would never make fun of anyone but I have so much anger and bitterness towards her I have never hated anyone in my entire life, but I HATE her!
Everyone knows each other in this town. People that went to school with her said she was a homely awkward girl in school and didn’t have a lot of friends. I guess she learned at some point that even ugly fat girls can get attention from men using sex, even if it isn’t real. I guess she has no respect for herself and no morals or ethics. She also obviously doesn’t care about her family or she wouldn’t put them at risk with her behavior. She has a teenage daughter, isn’t she setting a great example for her. She’s so starved for men to look at her and want her. I don’t know how she could even feel good enough about her self to send those pictures to men. I didn’t see them, even though I lied and told her I did out of anger. A friend of mine was shocked too and said she must have done some heavy duty photo editing to make the pictures even somewhat good enough to send to anybody. Either that or she really believes that she is sexy. Really though, what man wants to see her stretch marked, stretched out, flabby hanging skin, nasty ass body?
She tried to paint her self as an extremely “sexual person” to my husband hoping to entice him to meet her for sex. I, myself AM an extremely sexual person, even though my husband admitted to painting me as a prude to her and doesn’t know why he did. I am the furthest thing from a prude. My husbands sex drive is very good, but I in fact have the higher sex drive between my husband and I and I am the more adventurous person sexually. I am also completely confident in my sexual abilities! She is no competition for me in any way! Her pathetic attempts at seducing my husband just made him sick. Maybe she was even hoping to steal him for herself, hoping he would rescue her from her so called miserable life. Funny thing is I know my husband and she is exactly the kind of person that he can’t stand. While researching Ang, (getting to know my enemy) online I have come to the conclusion that she is still chasing after men even now.
Maybe her husband wouldn’t ignore her if she actually paid more attention to him instead of trolling for attention from men on the internet. “look at me I’m so disciplined, I work out every day.” “Pleeease look at me… Am I pretty.. Am I sexy?” Guess what all the working out in the world won’t fix an ugly face and an ugly soul! For all that working out at the gym she should be thin and fit, but nope, she’s still fat. She’s just wasting her money. I think it’s aging her rapidly too, of course smoking before and after her workout probably doesn’t help. Working out all the time is just another way to get attention. She should try dressing like a woman instead of a cross between a teenage boy and a bag lady. Wear some makeup to cover up her blotchy red skin, (yeah I know, I’m being mean). She needs to stop using all the social media to get attention, I bet her favorite is Snapchat. She is sooo nasty, white trashy and sooo far beneath my husband. He is sooo grossed out and embarrassed that he even talked to her. My husband said the whole time he was talking to her he was obsessed with me and he talked about me to her constantly. He said all he wanted was for me to love him and he thought maybe she could help him figure out what was wrong with him, or what he was doing wrong in his marriage that I didn’t want him. He said as he talked to her and she complaned about her husband, he realized he was doing all the same things to me that she was complaining about her husband was doing to her, except the crazy stuff. He should have asked ME what was wrong! He should have come to ME to fix our marriage! I would have said, “I need to be touched, talked to and told that I was loved.” I just wanted to be loved and valued, not just touched when someone is drunk and horny. I missed the sex with my husband so bad, but i felt like he hated me and I wont be used by someone when they are just drunk and horny, and the rest of the time I either don’t exist or they are mad at me. He said he didn’t realize he was doing that to me. He said he has always loved me and I’m the only women he has ever loved in his entire life.
Like I said, it was my fault too. I realize now how healing sex is in a marriage. Even if you are angry with each other you should still have lots of sex. Withholding sex only makes things worse. Sex promotes intimacy and closeness, it is healing to a marriage that is having trouble. When we have sex my husband feels cherished and loved by me. He also now realizes that I have my love language, and I need to feel cherished and loved outside of the bedroom too.
My husband and I are now in marriage counseling. We are closer then we have ever been. We go on regular dates. We have sex that’s not just sex, its awesome, amazing, spiritual, deeply loving and leaves us both physically and emotionally fulfilled. My husband is full of remorse and self loathing. Sometimes I think he’s even more scarred by this than I am. Even though our marriage is stronger than ever now, we have a lot to deal with from this. We now have trust issues and I keep letting my imagination conjure up all kinds of terrible things. I can’t even stand to see my husband sitting at his computer working. We have to take alternate routes around town so we don’t drive by where she works because its sooo upsetting to both of us. Whenever we are out we have to be looking around constantly because we don’t want to run into her or anyone in her family. I get mad and yell at my husband sometimes because I’m in pain and I don’t know how to move beyond this. Our kids are also suffering, they are innocent and don’t understand the turmoil in their home.
I know I’m rambling on, and this isn’t written as well as it could be, its just my raw emotion coming out. You probably think that I shouldn’t be as upset as I am because it wasn’t physical. To me an emotional affair is just as damaging! I know that I sound mean talking about her, but I am in deep pain and emotional torment. I am haunted by this and it is what I think about most of the time, I can barely function. I hate her sooo much! My family suffers while she has NO consequences at all! I hope her husband finds out and divorces her! I hope she is humiliated and never lives this down. Also she forever lost a childhood friend and my husband’s family wants nothing to do with her. They think she is a piece of garbage! You don’t try to break up a marriage and ruin a family, even if they are struggling, just because you are lonely and need attention! Like I said, I live in a very small town and I’m sure I will suffer consequences for exposing her but I am trying desperately to heal my broken heart and I don’t know what else to do. I will probably regret posting this one day. I hope it at least alerts other women around here to watch their men and not trust her. She plays sweet and innocent but she’s a wolf in sheep’s clothing.
I know it sounds like my husband is weak, usually he is the strongest person I know. He made a mistake, he’s human, he stopped on his own and never had sex with her. He said he really only wanted me but I was pushing him away. He’s a good man and we are going to make it through this. She is a homewrecker wannabe, but she is NOT wrecking this home EVER!